I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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