Can Purell be used as lube?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize