I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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