I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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