Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize