He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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