She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
