i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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