He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
