I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize