i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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