An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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