She is in my trunk
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
