where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
