Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
