So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
