i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
