I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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