Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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