Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
