So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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