just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
