Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
