new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
