So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
