If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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