# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
