there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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