she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
