I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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