I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
