I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
