She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
