my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
