Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
