i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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