I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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