I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
