what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
