after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
