I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
