You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
