Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You made out with two different species that night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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