After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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