shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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