I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Houston, we have a blender
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize