Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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