I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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