She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize