Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
