I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
