I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
