worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
