Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
