I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
