his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize