I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
