You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
