I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
