Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
