I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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