If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
