I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
