Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
