You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
