Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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