cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
