I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
