I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize