she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
